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Carthage Security Makes Major Bust

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This post is satire.

Oaks Residential Building 3 was the site of a major bust conducted by Carthage College Security on Nov. 3 in the early hours of the morning.

Security released a statement yesterday detailing the sting. “It was a very successful operation,” it read. “We caught five students heavily involved in extra credit, also known by its street name E.C., and discovered a large assortment of related paraphernalia.”

Not all residents of Oaks 3 were without their suspicions. “There was always a weird smell by that room, like a mixture of fresh paper and markers,” said one student. “And sometimes you’d see people go in and not come out for hours. When they did come out, though, you could tell. They always had this sort of contented look on their faces. If you tried to talk to them they wouldn’t answer, they were so relaxed.”

“I saw in once, you know,” another resident told the Current. “The stuff was everywhere. Sticky notes, pens, notebooks, dry erase— they had everything. They knew what they were doing. They were pros for sure.

“They’d try to hide it, but you’d notice things. A highlighter sticking out of a pocket, or a smudge of ink on the hand. They thought they were smooth, but we all knew,” she said.

The statement issued by Security details that four of the students had been involved since high school, and that one had been involved since much earlier. The Current was lucky enough to get an exclusive interview with this last student

“I’ve been on the scene since elementary school. My mom really got me started. I brought it home one day in fourth grade. I didn’t expect to do it. But my mom saw it and told me I should. She said, ‘You wanna get a good grade? Then do the E.C.!’ I tried to say no but before I knew it I had done three sheets of E.C. From there on I only did it more,” she said. “Middle school was incredible. It was everywhere.”

The situation, however, has changed since then. “It’s been hard in college, you know. There isn’t as much of it here. In middle school it was all over. Whenever I needed it I could get it. But now you can only get it from a couple of people,” she said.

At this point it is not known what exactly will happen to those apprehended, although it is likely that the Registrar’s Office will issue higher GPAs to the individuals.

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