Home»Satire»Grinch Dies From Heart Complications

Grinch Dies From Heart Complications

0
Shares
Pinterest Google+

The Grinch, famous for his bizarre scheme to “steal Christmas” and his equally unusual change of heart, has died this past weekend at his home atop Mt. Crumpit. He was 60 years old.

While accounts vary, most sources agree that on the night of Christmas Eve, the Grinch burglarized every building in Whoville, taking everything Christmas related. After arriving home with the stolen goods, the Grinch had a sudden change of heart and returned all that he stole on Christmas day.

“He claimed that he was Santa Claus, and the thought of that made me pause,” said Cindy Lou Who, who was the only eyewitness to his crime.

The cause of death was hypertrophic cardiomyopathy, the technical term for a heart that is too large for one’s body. The Grinch’s is believed to have been one size too large.

“It onset quite quickly, that much I can say. It may have begun on Christmas Day. He was too ill for me to save, so he passed on, in his cave,” said Dr. Seuss, the Grinch’s primary physician. Dr. Seuss has been credited for the popularization of the Grinch’s story, as he is the author of How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, a bestselling account of the incident written in the vernacular of the Whos of Whoville.

The citizens of Whoville are saddened by his death, with many of them looking to the future and wondering who will carve the roast beast at Christmas. Regrets came pouring in through social media. Sara Karloff, daughter of the classic actor Boris Karloff, also conveyed her condolences. “When I first heard the Grinch speak in the 1960s, I thought it was my dad. As time passed they began to sound a bit different, but I always felt a connection with the Grinch,” she wrote.

“It saddens me to hear of the death of the Grinch,” wrote Jim Carrey. “It was probably in the late ‘90s that I realized we sounded alike. I feel that I have lost a kindred spirit.”

Not all are mourning his death, however. “The Grinch was a thief. He was quite bad. I can’t say this news makes me that sad,” said Mayor Augustus May Who in a statement yesterday evening.

Still, he is credited by many to have rekindled the true spirit of Christmas in Whoville and around the world. He is survived by his dog, Max, who now wears a single black antler in mourning

Previous post

Vday Jams

Next post

Trump’s Travel Ban and the Athletes it Could Affect