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Satire

A cherub is now in police custody after he allegedly shot a high school junior with an arrow on Tuesday afternoon. Around noon on February 14, a Tremper High School junior was struck with a hunting arrow in the left shoulder on the north end of the school. She fell …

The Grinch, famous for his bizarre scheme to “steal Christmas” and his equally unusual change of heart, has died this past weekend at his home atop Mt. Crumpit. He was 60 years old. While accounts vary, most sources agree that on the night of Christmas Eve, the Grinch burglarized every …

The following is satire.  A rare Minnesota Timberwolves fan was spotted on campus Saturday night. “He was just walking around near the bushes in the Oaks circle. I wanted to get closer but I was afraid that I might scare him away,” said an eyewitness. The eyewitness described the Timberwolves …

This article is satire.  The South Korean conglomerate Samsung has recalled its new line of Christmas trees over fears that they will spontaneously combust. This recall comes on the heels of Samsung recalling not only its Galaxy Note 7, but several models of washing machines as well. The trees range …

This post is satire. Oaks Residential Building 3 was the site of a major bust conducted by Carthage College Security on Nov. 3 in the early hours of the morning. Security released a statement yesterday detailing the sting. “It was a very successful operation,” it read. “We caught five students …

A Kenosha County turkey has just dreamed of a world where turkeys eat people on Thanksgiving. The turkey, Max Fowler, had his dream on November 5 in his coop at Gitzlaff Farms, 923 72 Avenue. The dream, as related to the Current through our Turkish-speaking interpreter, went as follows. Max …

The following article is satire.  Officials from the Wisconsin Department of Transportation (WI DOT) have expressed interest in redeveloping Campus Drive, the main road through campus, into a highway. “While you can already travel on Sheridan Road or Alford Park Drive, we feel that it would be good to offer …